The Largesse Recommends Belgium

Today I learned that Belgium is awesome.  For quite some time I have been taken with the finer points of this fair country: waffles, beer, and chocolate come to mind.  Throw in the legalization of euthanasia and gay marriage, the massive amounts of ecstasy consumed on the streets, and the highest proportion of households with cable television in the world (97%) and we are really on to something here (say nothing of the fact that In Bruges is maybe the most underrated movie of the past ten years.)  And yes, this will be the topic of my next post – Grosse Pointe Blank anyone?  For now though, I want to reflect for all of us how awesome it is that Belgium has decided to start bitch-slapping the Catholic Church.

My bad, Belgium.

The Largesse Recommends Strange But True Sports Stories

Look.  I’m not going to pretend that I watch tennis or anything, but of course I ended up streaming the ridiculousness of today’s portion of the Isner-Mahut match online.  And of course now I’m reading about how there are no words and that we’ve never seen anything like this before and never will again…

No shit.  It’s completely unbelievable.  It’s awesome in the most literal sense.  It’s the kind of thing I used to read about in the single most important book from my childhood: The Giant Book of Strange But True Sports Stories.

The Couch-Bound Largesse Recommends Fixing Your Television Viewing Habits, Pt. 1

If there’s one thing we know here at The Largesse, it’s condescension.  And TV.  (Math, not so much.)  So, we know there’s a lot of crap out there – shit, we even watch some of it (or at least Plax does) – and we thought we’d help you people out a bit and give you some DVR tips.  Well, “tips” is probably misleading.  These are more like commands, really.  Or suggestions that you’d have to be stupid not to follow.  Yeah, that’s the one.

 

We’re going to take this day by day so you don’t screw it up.  You’re welcome.

The Gritty Largesse Recommends South Philly

Had the pleasure of attending Game 3 of the World Series in Philadelphia.  Also had the pleasure of single-handedly altering the outcome of the Series by simply being present with my Jeter shirt on, albeit under several other layers.  Game 3 was rather rainy and cold as you might remember, and it also represented the kickoff of a very intense sporting weekend in Philly (Yanks-Phils on Saturday night, Giants-Eagles Sunday, Yanks-Phils on Sunday night, throw in a Pearl Jam concert and a Flyers game on Saturday and you’ve got yourself quite the 48-hour clusterfuck.)  Given the insanity that was engulfing the entire Sports Complex in South Philly, I decided to get to Game 3 about five hours before the first pitch, find parking, and simply enjoy my surroundings.  I decided to live-blog it.  Below is an account of my time spent roaming the streets of South Philly from 3pm until 8:15pm on Saturday, October 31 – fucking Halloween no less.

The Triple-Option Largesse Recommends Innovative College Football Offenses

Like most Americans, I enjoy watching football on Sundays but nowhere near as much as I do on Saturdays.  What keeps me tuned in on Saturday afternoon?  The tradition? Yes.  The rivalry?  Yes.  The passion?  Yes.  These intangibles absolutely improve the viewing experience, especially in person, but football played on a college field, to me, is much more interesting than that played on a professional one.  College football offers a variety of team philosophies and approaches. From Hawaii’s four WR spread to Georgia Tech’s (formerly Navy’s) Wing –T, any style of football you can imagine is played on Saturday.  On Sundays, with the exception of the wildcat, you will see roughly the same style of game.  Although not generally partial to any logic resembling “different is better”, I think it applies here, augmenting both performance and viewing experience.

The Looping Largesse Recommends Caddying for John Kanzius

A few weeks ago the CBS news program 60 Minutes did a twenty minute segment on a man named John Kanzius.  Mr. Kanzius was an American inventor, a self-described autodidact (look it up), and, in all likelihood, the wealthiest man to ever live in Erie, Pennsylvania.  Mr. Kanzius also took it upon himself to treat his own cancer (non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma) by building and using radiation machines in his barn, much to the chagrin of his doctors.  This is how we do in Erie, Pennsylvania.  Some call it poverty and a crisis of health care.  I call it ingenuity and man-strength.  This particular version of man-strength is unique to Erie, Pennsylvania.  If you don’t believe me go see for yourself or take a trip along the interweb superhighway to learn more about Mr. Kanzius.  Neither disappoints.

The Largesse Recommends that Jon Stewart be Very, Very Careful

Now that The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is back from its annual late-summer break, it seems like a good time to reflect on how it’s been doing in the ten months since the election.  You may remember that this period of time that was supposed to mark the end of humor for the comedians, Stewart very much included, who made their bones on the awe-inspiring hypocrisy of the Bush administration and ended up marking the point at which serious studies began concluding that Stewart was, as his commercials have always mockingly stated, “the most trusted name in news.”

The Brotherly Largesse Recommends Infighting

Some time ago my friend Notorious spit fire in the direction of Good Will Hunting.  See here.

Lot of venom there.  Lot of venom.

It’s time for the Largesse version of Point-Counterpoint, without any real points or counterpoints.

So, because I care:  The Largesse Matter-of-Factly Recommends Good Will Hunting

Beware of people who reference Barbara Delinsky and Hawthorne in the same breath.  I’m here to protect you from such nonsense and remind you that you’re better than that.  Delinsky is a higher form of art than the vapid Hawthorne, whose overrated pieces of shit have somehow pushed themselves to the top of most American literary top-ten lists.  It’s fucking nauseating.  And I’m not even remotely kidding.  Anyone that sees Hester Prynne as more complex, more interesting, or a higher form of art than any of the cougars Delinsky chronicles in her bestsellers is absolutely out to lunch.  Give me Twain.  Give me Hemingway.  Give me writers who care about character development.  Give me writers that care about humor.  Give me writers that actually know how to showcase the human experience.

Give me Good Will Hunting any day of the week.

The Discerning Largesse Vigorously Denounces Thomas Ian Nicholas

1999 was a fine year.  Apple introduced the Power Mac (again, I think), Y2K preparation was fierce, Wayne Gretzky played his last game, Stephen King was run over by a car, the realization of Prince’s dream was achieved in that we literally partied like it was (and in) “1999” and of course, we watched “American Pie” one thousand times.  How good was that movie?  If you’re like me you might remember feeling quite fond about this movie despite the presence of Thomas Ian Nicholas, the man who we would like to vigorously denounce for the next few hundred words. Look him up. I did and I was shocked to read that he fronted a band named “T.I.N” for many years while soaking in the glow of his post American Pie suckiness. I have yet to download T.I.N., but I’m guessing that they sounded like a cross between childbirth and Blink-182. This guy blows. God, he’s so goddamn irritating.

The OCD Largesse Recommends Hand Sanitizer

Big ups to the people at H1N1 for raising awareness about the awesomeness of hand sanitizer.  Good lord do I love me some bodily cleaning products that showcase the glory of ethyl alcohol; that shit is pure antiseptic.  I mean, like, real pure.  Don’t light a cigarette after touching this shit because your hands will burst into flames.  I’ve tried it and once the alcohol burns off your hands things grow slightly uncomfortable for the epidermis.