The Seasonal Largesse Recommends DC in the Summer

Right, so it’s definitely like Africa-hot from time to time through the DC summer months.  I don’t care.  This summer in the Nation’s Capital has been spectacular (weather included) and it’s just getting better.  Here’s why:

1)  Obama is getting his drink on to mend fences. This guy just keeps getting more awesome.

2)  Eastern Market is open, ready, and willing. Take it. Soon.

3)  Kenner League summer basketball tipped off last night. Games are running several times per week now because of the late start into the summer season. It’s free. It’s good basketball. It’s the Hoyas and Friends (mind the caps).

4)  Summer traffic is in effect: enjoy it while it lasts.

5)  Queensryche is about to rock the Merriweather, while Hall and Oates, Pat Benatar, and Blondie are gearing up for Wolf Trap. I think this is all free if you bring your own weed or estrogen patch. If it’s not please disrgard this entire entry.

6)  Free Jazz everywhere. Just walk outside and follow the horn. The sweet, sweet horn.

7)  $5 Nats games. Stand in centerfield, grab a half smoke, and watch Josh Willingham hit his way out of this city.

8)  Surfside. Upstairs.

9)  Drafts at the Hawk and Dove for Happy Hour – $1.95. Bring your flag pin for your lapel and your patience for Hill staffers, then leave at 7pm.

10)  This guy:

The Original Largesse Denounces Deadspin

Like most people, we enjoy being flattered here at The Largesse.  Sure, we get a bit uncomfortable, but most of the praise thrown our way is just a little too close to the truth for our taste.  You know how it is — you get told you look good on a day you know isn’t quite your best, and so you can accept and reject the praise in one smooth motion and go on about your day.  But when someone speaks the truth in such a situation, the simple compliment can have the ring of real understanding (at the good end of the spectrum) or rank adoration (at the other end).  Either way, it can be an uncomfortable experience.

We’re used to it around here, but every once in a while something happens with which we don’t quite know how to deal.  Apparently, Deadspin is a big (but silent) fan of ours, and they saw something in Plax’s freakish ability with novelty ice creams.  It’s probably the same thing that Thrillist saw, since they made a point of mentioning that very skill when they wrote us up about a month ago as they rolled out the DC edition.  Imagine our surprise,then, when we saw this piece on Deadspin a couple of days ago.

It reminded us of many things: that we should have a lawyer, that this internet thing is kind of hard, that Plax is something of a savant, that his piece that ran a month ago on an eerily similar topic was way fucking better.  Check it after the break and relive your childhood.

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Arrested Development Wednesday: The Unpredictable Largesse Salutes Upcoming Family Guy Wednesdays

Lucille and Buster exploration next week. You can’t rush these things. In place of our usual Arrested Wednesday journey let’s cozy up to a little Family Guy, if only to whet the palate for subsequent hump days.  Let’s start by humping this:

The Road-raged Largesse Denounces Traffic

Fucking traffic.  Seriously, what the fuck?  What.  The.  Fuck.  Fucking traffic will literally be the thing that kills me.  No, no, not an actual car accident, but rather the level of rage that leads me to either have a heart attack behind the wheel, or kill myself because of the amount of time I spend sitting in traffic for reasons that are completely, utterly, and absolutely insane.  I repeat: insane.  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this one and I simply can not wrap my head around it.  Oh, what’s that sir, you think I bring a lot of traffic-induced stress upon myself by living in a big city and owning a car?  Uh-huh, well I hope you die.  In Topeka, KN.  Alone.

The Fresh Largesse Remembers 1990s Hip-Hop Dance Procedurals

Part I, 1990-1995

Walk with me.  We have a lot to talk about because frankly, I’m pretty split on the topic of 1990s hip-hop dance procedurals.  Many of them are just awful (The Macarena, 1995); this much is certain.  But some of them resonate positively with me for reasons that have very little to do with my actually dancing to them.  As such, I tend to remember some of the decade’s most over-produced, sometimes electronic, musical moments as times of great triumph (The Humpty Dance, 1990).  Let’s take a closer look at the ups and downs of this predominantly impotent musical decade.

The Notorious E.P.C. Recommends Buying Your First Album

Since I’ve already bragged around here about my first concert experience, I thought I’d reflect on the first tape I ever bought.  I’m just young enough to have missed my first purchase being vinyl (though I do recall having a Mousercize record) and just old enough to have missed the CD format (Remember that one?) for that all-important cherry-popping.  Nope – I’m a tape man in that sense and my first time involved two albums I still listen to on a regular basis: Run D.M.C.’s King of Rock and Led Zeppelin’s Led Zeppelin (IV).  And, frankly, both of them were rather edgy purchases around my house.

The Wartime Largesse Denounces Improvised Explosive Devices

I.E.D’s are really fucking up my shit.  I’m not into these things at all, nor am I into the Taliban using them to blow up my servicemen and their bomb sniffing dogs.  Grab a gun, bitches.  I mean seriously, am I the only one that actually misses the days when accuracy was paramount to combat?  Ready.  Aim.  Fire.  Not so hard.  This bullshit where you haphazardly place explosives in city streets, roadside towns, and in the coffee shops and opium dens of suburban Kabul is just downright loathsome.

Arrested Development Wednesday: The Sneaky Largesse Salutes George Bluth Sr.

George Bluth Sr. is the founder and CEO of the Bluth company as well as the patriarch of this incredible family.  He is, for all intents and purposes, single-handedly responsible for the dysfunction of the group.  The consummate businessman and self-starter, George struggles to maintain the fortune that he has amassed through real estate and frozen bananas.  He also finds it difficult to leave his wealth in the hands of the very people he has neglected for so long (his children), particularly after he is carted off to prison early in the series.  Oh yeah, George’s run-ins with the SEC are what eventually lead to his imprisonment and Michael taking control of the company.  George wasn’t pleased with this turn of events, but instead of turning to the family for support he decided instead to rely on his mistress/assistant Kitty to hold down the fort.  Kitty likes to show people her breasts.  Oh sure, Michael was still technically the CEO of the company but his biggest hurdles as the company’s leader were typically those put into place by his father, albeit from behind bars.

The Star-Spangled Largesse Denounces Colin Firth

Methinks I suck.

Fuck this guy.

The Backpacking Largesse Denounces England

[Ed. Note: This is Part Two in the L’s ongoing endorsement of backpacking through Europe.  Just not all of Europe.]

If you’ve been following along, you should have your Eurail pass by now, so I’ll skip over that part.  If you’ve really been following along, then you know that we got a question last time about whether or not to use an actual backpack to go backpacking.  So I can see we’re pretty much starting from scratch here.

Yes, you bring a backpack.  Do you think I’d use a lazy gerund like “backpacking” if it was also a misnomer?  Please.  Get a backpack.  In fact, get two.  A big one and a normal one.  Sometimes they come together as a set, in which the smaller of the two is irritatingly referred to as a “daypack”.  As words go, “daypack” is a little dainty for my tastes, but just get one.  You lug the big one when you go from city to city, and you use the small one when you go trolling for weed sightseeing.  Now let’s go someplace…